Yes…it has been a long time…

It has been a great time of trial, one that is still leading me in dark places I could not imagine getting even darker…yet…here I am…again.

Hard to believe it has been almost 25 years since I would ponder my time being short slogging away at Rose’s, knowing that my pastorate was just around the corner.

Now that home is long gone, that store a distant memory in the chain of defunct retail outlets, my youth pastorate yet another distant memory, three states, 1600 miles and 20+ years ago. My current position is one of the most bitter I have ever worked in, and socially, mentally and spiritually as bad as junior high was 45 years ago.

I have come to the place where I could feel that I would rather be accountable for a thousand lifetimes lived as a drunken, lecherous blasphemer…than for any 10 minutes I played pastor. I am prayerless and at a loss for words, my need for a steady income to support my family being the only reason I stay where I am at.

O LORD, I have heard thy speech, and was afraid: O LORD, revive thy work in the midst of the years, in the midst of the years make known; in wrath remember mercy…When I heard, my belly trembled; my lips quivered at the voice: rottenness entered into my bones, and I trembled in myself, that I might rest in the day of trouble…though the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls: Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The LORD God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds’ feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments.
–(Habakkuk 3)

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